


Silence

by FBGM



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, and they were ROOMMATES
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 11:06:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16973457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FBGM/pseuds/FBGM
Summary: The squip still talks to Jeremy after it's been deactivated. Until he finds a way to shut it up.





	Silence

     The squip never truly left Jeremy’s brain. Not really. It couldn’t control what he said or did anymore. Couldn’t shock him or activate his tear ducts. And usually, it was pretty easy for Jeremy to ignore. All it could do was talk. But sometimes, that was enough. Sometimes it wouldn’t shut up and it seemed to feed off of Jeremy’s own depressive thoughts.  
     Currently, he was in Michael’s basement watching some action movie with too many explosions. Michael was enthralled. Jeremy watched him with a soft smile on his face. Michael was so beautiful.  
     _Pathetic_ , a voice came from the back of his brain.  
     **Shut up** , Jeremy thought back.  
     _He’s too good for you._

     **Funny. That’s not what you said when you made me ditch him.**

     _That was when you wanted to be cool. That was before you abandoned him and then went crawling back. He’s a better person than you and you have nothing now. You have nothing to offer, Jeremy._  
     **Whatever tic tac.**  
     _Come on Jeremy. You really think he’d want you after what you did to him?_  
     **Fuck off Keanu.**  
     _Call me names all you want, you know I’m right. Based on my calculations it’s highly unlikely that he would have even stayed around this long._  
     **Then you must suck at math**.  
     Michael laughed at something in the movie and Jeremy was drawn out of his thoughts by Michael’s smile. His heart flipped.  
     _You’re stupid to love him. He’ll never return your affections. He doesn’t want you Jeremy. I can always resume optic nerve blocking him. He’d be happier that way. With you gone. You want him to be happy, don’t you? All you have to do is drink some-_  
     “I wish I could optic nerve block you.” Jeremy muttered.  
     Michael frowned at him.  
     “What?”  
     “Nothing.” Jeremy tried to focus on the movie. Michael put a hand on his knee.  
     “It’s talking again isn’t it?”  
     Michael knew. He found out around the same time Jeremy did. He had stopped by after school and found Jeremy in a heap on the floor, sobbing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
     “Jeremy! Hey what’s wrong!” Michael crouched down, grabbing Jeremy’s shoulders. Jeremy looked up, tears flowing down his cheeks.  
     “It’s still here Michael! It’s still in my head! It didn’t work it’s still here!” He screamed.  
     “Hey!” Michael shook him. “Jer, look at me. Can you see me?”  
     Jeremy nodded, still shaking.  
     “Can you squeeze my hand?”  
     Jeremy nodded again and did so.  
     “Then it’s not in control anymore.” Michael squeezed his hand back. “It can’t hurt you.”  
     “But I can still hear it Michael. It’s still in my head.” He was practically whispering.  
     “I know. But all it can do is talk.” Michael smiled. “And I promise you, I can talk a lot louder.  
     Jeremy laughed through the tears.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     “Jer?”  
     “Yeah. It is but it’s no big deal.”  
     “Okay. Let me know if I need to scream that you’re awesome or something.” Michael squeezed Jeremy’s knee before turning back to the movie.  
     _He’s a liar. He’s too nice to tell you the truth. He doesn’t care, why would he?_  
     Jeremy did his best to ignore the yelling in his brain.  
     _Whooooaa everything about you is so terrible._  
     Jeremy heard the familiar song in his head. He angrily thought the Mario theme song over it.  
     _Whooooaa everything about you makes me wanna die._  
  **I wish you would**.  
     _Look at him Jeremy. He knows you like him, it’s so obvious and yet he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know how to say you disgust him. He thinks you’ll kill yourself if he does._  
     **Last time I checked you were in my brain, not his.**  
     _You’re right I never had the pleasure._  
     Jeremy clenched his jaw at the thought of the squip inside of Michael.  
     _But I don’t need to be in his brain to understand how he looks at you. Everyone can see it. Pity. Regret. Fear. Pain. Pain you caused. Looking at you he’ll only ever see someone who left him._  
     **You made me do that.**  
     _Oh Jeremy, we both know I was off. We both know you made that choice on your own. And so does Michael._  
     Jeremy felt his eyes burn but he knew the drill by now.  
     “Michael talk to me.”  
     Michael was immediately alert at those words.  
     “Hey, Jer. Remember the other day when you bought me a slushy and I didn’t even ask? You just bought it because you knew I was having a bad day? That was so sweet, and it just reminded me how lucky I am to have you as a best friend and why I love you so much.”  
     _Lies. He doesn’t want you Jeremy. Look at him. He’s tired of this. He’s sick of trying to fix you when he knows you’ll never be normal again. He’s hanging on because you grew up together he doesn’t have anyone else. One day he’ll realize that having no one is still better than having you._  
     “STOP IT!” Jeremy screamed. Michael wrapped his arms around him and began slowly stroking his back.  
     _You’re a burden Jeremy. All you can do is hurt him._  
     “Shhh. Jer it’s okay. It’s only words. It can’t hurt you. You’re okay.”  
     _He’s tired of you Jeremy. You’re ruining his life. Let him go._  
     “I don’t want him to go.” Jeremy sobbed, clutching Michael tighter. Michael got a general idea of the conversation.  
     “I’m not going anywhere, Jer.” He pulled Jeremy closer.  
     _He feels too guilty to leave. You’re manipulating him!_  
     “I’m right here. I’ll always be here. I promise.”  
    _He’s just-!_  
     The squip faltered as Jeremy registered that Michael kissed the top of his head. Michael was equally surprised at himself. But, it felt natural, and Jeremy relaxed slightly and pulled Michael closer so he went with it.  
     _Just afraid to be alone._ The squip continued.  
     Jeremy balled his hands into Michael’s sweatshirt. Michael pressed a kiss to his forehead as the squip spoke again.  
    _You’re dragging him down with you._  
     But Jeremy could’ve sworn it was… quieter. No, he must have imagined it.  
     _Of course, you did. You’re spiraling into insanity._  
     “Michael, it’s never going to stop.” Jeremy cried.  
     _Of course, I’m not you weak, pathetic…_  
     Michael interrupted but the squip continued yelling in the background.  
     “Maybe not.” He kissed Jeremy’s temple. “But we’ll get through it together.” He pressed another kiss to Jeremy’s cheek this time. “I’ll be right here. Always.” He kissed Jeremy’s jaw.  
     Jeremy was sure now. The squip was getting quieter with every touch of Michael’s lips. He looked up and Michael brushed his thumb across Jeremy’s cheek.  
  _HE’S LYING JEREMY!_  
     But it was so quiet now.  
     Jeremy grabbed the front of Michael’s hoodie and kissed him. Silence. All Jeremy could hear was Michael’s breathing.  
He pulled away.  
     “Uuuuuh.” Michael said.  
     “It’s gone! Michael my head is quiet! Kissing you made it go away.” Jeremy was grinning.  
     “Oh. Uh, wow yeah cool!” He saw disappointment flicker across Michael’s face.  
     “That’s not why I did it.” Jeremy rushed out, grabbing Michael’s wrist to stop him from getting up. “I mean, that’s why I had the nerve to do it right now. But I would never just do that if I didn’t- I’ve been wanting to for uh, a while. I’m kinda… super in love with you. The squip knows. That’s what it was talking about.” Jeremy flushed.  
     “What was it saying?”  
     Jeremy didn’t answer.  
     “Jer.” Michael rubbed his thumb over Jeremy’s hand.  
     “That you’re tired of me. That I’m dragging you down and you feel too guilty to cut me off even though that’s what you want. And that you’ll never want me the way I want you.” He refused to look at Michael.  
     “Jeremy.” Michael took his face in his hands. “I’ve. Been. In. love. With. You. For. Two. Years.” He punctuated each word with a kiss. On Jeremy’s forehead, his temples, his cheeks, his nose, his chin, his jaw. Jeremy giggled and blushed and pretended to try and shove Michael away.  
     “You’re never getting rid of me Heere.” He whispered, not pulling very far away from Jeremy’s face.  
     “Good.” Jeremy said, eyes dropping to Michael’s lips. He caught the smile before Michael kissed him and his entire chest felt warm.

     After that, ignoring the squip got easier. Even just being in the same room with Michael made it more bearable. But whenever it got too strong Jeremy would tug on Michael’s sleeve and Michael would kiss him and tell him he loved him until he couldn’t hear anything but his own heartbeat. And then he’d usually kiss him for a while after that just because.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Follow me on tumblr @ michaelmellonn


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